So are you over your Super Bowl Sunday hangover yet? Why do we keep allowing the National Football League brass to make people wait until early Sunday evening, after two weeks of mostly mindless buildup and a pregame show that lasts more than five hours, for the big game to kick off?
So there you are, with friends and family. Maybe a bunch of friends and family. And you're snacking. And snacking some more. And more. REALLY loading up. Your stomach can’t keep up with your eyes, which tell your brain to keep scarfing down. And these snacks aren't healthy. OK, so maybe you grab a mini-carrot from the veggie tray, and maybe a medium-sized hunk of cauliflower or broccoli, but by the time you're finished slathering both in ranch, not only can no one discern the small vegetable you're holding between your thumb and index finger, you have dressing dripping down halfway up your forearm.
You may have drank some alcohol, too. Maybe in moderation, maybe not. Combine all that rich, fatty food with all that booze, and by the time the Lombardi Trophy has been presented, you’re a semi-conscious glutton. The next morning you wake up feeling like your dehydrated brain is locked in a vice and the blood has been drained from your body, replaced by cream cheese. So you call in sick.
It was reported last week that as many as 14 million people would call in sick for work the Monday after the Super Bowl. That's not counting all the people who decided to take the day off long before waking up tired and hung over. Add that immense number of missing-in-action people to the millions who toughed it out and actually showed up to work, but then didn't do much because they were sluggish and everyone just kept talking about the game, the commercials and the halftime show anyway, and it's a massive productivity dip just for one football game.
Why do we let the NFL big-wigs get away with this? Move the Super Bowl to Saturday, and then send your favorite church a guilt-ridden check for 50 bucks to help them pay the heating bill after poorly attended church services the morning after that bring in around $12.75 in the offering plate.
(On second thought, maybe keep the concept of Super Bowl Saturday on the back-burner. People might get so drunk and crazy they’ll trash their towns no matter who’s playing, i.e. what sub-human Eagles fans did to Philadelphia after they won.)
But other big days? Move them.
Halloween? Why should kids have to go out and trick-or-treat in the cold and dark on a school night? Move it to the nearest Friday. Who cares if it's not the actual "Hallow's Eve"? Kids want candy, not a history lesson.
And Christmas. Where is it written that Jesus Christ was born on Dec. 25? Move that to the nearest Saturday, and then make the Friday before, Christmas Eve, a national holiday so people can enjoy a long Christmas weekend with their loved ones.
Thanksgiving. It's a holiday that revolves around a big meal, football games, and people for a few precious moments feeling grateful for their lot in life and maybe even empathetic enough to help others who haven't been as fortunate. But why do we have to have all these warm, wonderful feelings on a Thursday? Did the Indians and Pilgrims enjoy their first historic sit-down around the dinner table on a Thursday? Move it one day back, to Friday. Class warfare is rampant in this country right now, but forget all the talk about the 1 percenters and the 1/10th of the 1 percenters versus the 99 percenters and the 99.9 percenters. In our nation, when it comes to the haves and the have-nots, all you have to do is look at Thanksgiving Thursday: If you are lucky enough to not have to work on the Friday that follows and you get to enjoy a glorious four-day weekend, you're a have. If you have to trudge to work on Friday with grandma’s turkey gravy still oozing out of your pores, you're a have-not.
That brings us to July 4. Embark on a national public relations blitz to make "Independence Day" and not the “Fourth of July” the national holiday observed during the first week of July. Sure, everyone can fly their flags on the actual July 4, but when it comes to families and friends getting together for picnics and boat rides and fireworks, let them all enjoy each other's company and the majesty of it all on the closest Friday or Saturday.
Critics can say moving these special days around diminishes their meaning, but aren’t these holidays mostly about being together and taking a moment to give thanks for all that is good in our lives? Aren’t they about showcasing the rewards that come with being good people who help others?
Let’s not forget rampant, unbridled capitalism, too. Observe these holidays on Fridays and Saturdays each year and people will travel more and spend more money to celebrate them. President Trump, you hearing me? Forget your silly military parade and get on this. Anything less would be treasonous.