Changed By The Maker

Saturday was the Crookston Youth Wrestling Tournament. Our boys did the wrestling, but it was a tough one for all of us.

After coaching, encouraging, challenging, and comforting our boys through today’s tournament, as well as talking to other parents and processing the event when we got home, I realized that there is a lot at stake here for our kids.

Is Competition Okay?

Some Christians believe that competition is antithetical to the gospel, but I just don’t see it. I’m not a theologian, but I know that the disciple, Paul, uses the image of “running a race” to help people understand how to live the Christian life. Paul must have known something about racing.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. I Corinthians 9:24

In my view competition is just part of life. Competitive sports, in addition to being fun for most kids, provide opportunities for them to practice, in a tangible fashion, many skills they will need to use later in life.

For example, if you own a business, you are going to devote yourself, sacrificially, in order to win customers away from other similar businesses. If you want to earn a promotion, you are going to discipline yourself in order to achieve that goal, which may necessitate someone else losing the promotion.

How you navigate your way through these competitive aspects of life, not avoiding them, is what testifies to your Christian faith. I leave room for the possibility that there may be times when God asks you to step away from a particular competition.

Taking Time to Teach

From my parenting point of view, this is hard work. It’s hard to watch your kids lose or get “ouchies” from their opponent. It’s hard to watch other little boys, who want to win just as badly, lose. It would be easier not to do this heart-work with our children. It would be easier to avoid it altogether, but I don’t believe it would be benefit our sons.

Lessons Taught From This Year’s Tournament

Before the tournament, one of the boys prayed for God to help them get first place. My husband gently explained that, often, the one who wins is probably the one with the most skill, the one who has worked the hardest, disciplined himself, and committed himself to the sport. God is on everyone’s side. There is also an element of chance in every sport.

Winning is not the point. Growing in physical skill. Growing in discipline. Growing in character. All of these are more important than winning.

No one wins all the time. Everyone wants to win. No one wants to lose. Someone must lose. Someone must win. It’s okay to lose. Losing humbles you and reminds you that you have more to learn. Lose and know that God loves you anyway. You are not your wrestling score. You are who God made you to be, loved because of Jesus.

“It’s not fair.” This was mostly about the move called “head lock.” It’s not an illegal move, as I understand it, but, if that is the only move a kids does, it may cause a match to be somewhat one-sided (especially at this young age). It does imply (at least to me) that a kid has been trained to “win.” Don’t be mad at the kid who does it over and over and beats you. That’s what their coach has taught them to do. We are following a different “coach,” and we are going to do what we are taught to do. Love your “enemies (or, in this case, opponents).”

Additionally, someone else playing a game unfairly or even cheating does not give us permission to play unfairly or show poor sportsmanship. Unfairness is everywhere in life.

If you don’t like being put into a head lock, learn how to avoid it. Set a goal for yourself!

According to my kids, their coach says, “if all [your opponent] has is the head lock, then when you are able to stop it, you’ll be able to win.” Learn many moves well. Sacrifice a little now for bigger gains in the future.

Treat other opponents the way that you want to be treated. It’s okay to feel sad or frustrated when you lose. It’s not okay to treat your opponent with disrespect because of your feelings. Next time you may be the victor.

Lose a match–cry. Win the next match–smile in victory. Remember, that child (you just beat) feels just as bad as you did when you lost the last match. Comfort him by being respectful and offering encouragement where you can.

Encourage other wrestlers, especially younger members of your team because you have been encouraged. You are now the model for the younger wrestlers. You have a responsibility to them.

Shake hands after a loss. The person is more important than the match whether you win or lose. Discipline and humble yourself enough to offer either congratulations or encouragement at the end of every match.

God is not interested in the results of this one match today. God is interested in using it to make you who you will become in the future. Let God redeem it in your life.

Can you tell I had a LOT of feelings about this tournament? How do you help your kids understand the concept of competition — specifically winning and losing?

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