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Crookston Times - Crookston, MN
  • Christopherson Column: Stop the presses! It’s Wishes and Hopes, 2013 version

  • I hope the Ron Burgundy "Anchorman" movie sequel, released Dec. 18, is hilarious, but I'm starting to get worried.
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  •     • I hope the Ron Burgundy "Anchorman" movie sequel, released Dec. 18, is hilarious, but I'm starting to get worried. After all, if it was worthy of comparisons to the original film, would the people who made it and the people in charge of distributing it be so obsessed with the mass marketing effort that America and maybe even the world have witnessed over the past several weeks?    
        The television news anchor played by Will Ferrell is absolutely everywhere, showing up in newsrooms randomly to help with newscasts, including in Bismarck, North Dakota, and he even conducted a lengthy interview on ESPN's SportsCenter with Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning. Burgundy is also on the cover, with Manning, of this month’s ESPN the Magazine, and Rolling Stone, too.   
        Can't they just put Burgundy's face on a few million big plastic cups at Burger King and call it good?   
        Most ominous of all, the movie's trailer simply is not funny. If that's supposed to include snippets from the scenes that are the true laugh riots, it might not be a Merry Christmas for "Anchorman" fans who will be left wondering, yet again, why Hollywood can't once in a great while show some restraint by leaving well enough alone.   
        • I wish I could muster the nerve to buy some kind of hair trimmer thing and just cut my own hair every couple weeks while standing in front of the bathroom mirror. Sure, my stylist is talented and has customer service skills that are off the charts, but I haven't had to use a comb or brush in more than 10 years to actually comb or brush my hair. How much can there actually be up there for her to style? If she doesn't need a scissors, she's not styling, she's just buzzing.   
        • I wish that people, when presented with the options of butting into someone else’s business or minding their own, would once in a while choose the latter.   
        That’s harder for attention-craving people to do these days, however, when every mundane thing you do – you know, like look in a mirror – is merely a tweet or “selfie” picture away from sharing with your “followers” or cyber “friends.”   
       That’s especially true when it comes to those who misbehave in our society. If you do something wrong and there are other human beings in your vicinity, even if you can’t see them, if they can see you chances are they’re going to whip out their smart phone and start clicking away in order to catch you in the act and, in many cases, share your malfeasance with the world, electronically.   
    Page 2 of 2 -     Law enforcement often benefits from these digital vigilantes, but authorities don’t want anyone to be reckless. They don’t want anyone getting hurt unnecessarily.   
        Which brings us to an apparent hit-and-run accident in our neck of the woods earlier this week. A couple in their vehicle came upon a car accident. One vehicle was busted up in a snowbank and the driver of other vehicle, severely damaged in the front, started to drive off. The couple chose to butt in and pulled up next to the female driver. According to news stories, they told her she needed to return to the accident scene.   
        The female driver, according to reports, said she didn’t do anything and she didn’t know what they were talking about.   
        There’s hint #1 that maybe the woman wasn’t behaving in an entirely rational fashion, and maybe the couple should have just left her alone.   
        But that’s not what people do anymore. Instead, the guy then asked the hit-and-run suspect if he could take a photo of her license plate. She agreed.   
        That’s hint #2 that the woman driving the smashed car should have been left alone for trained law enforcement professionals to deal with. But, nope, the guy hopped out of his vehicle and squatted behind the suspect’s vehicle to snap a photo of her license plate. The suspect then proceeded to put her car in reverse and plow into the guy, hard enough so that he was launched onto her trunk. She then sped off and he fell to the ground. Luckily, he escaped serious injury.   
        The suspect was arrested a very short time later.   
        I’m not saying the guy was asking for trouble, but he willingly and persistently put himself in harm’s way, and he was harmed.    
        • I’m tempted to wish that the children’s advocacy group that’s up in arms over the the “NORAD Santa Tracker” would get over themselves. The tracker features an animated Santa’s sleigh flying over the globe that’s flanked by two fighter jets, and critics think it unnecessarily militarizes Santa and all that glorious Christmas magic.  
        But, instead of telling the critics to get over themselves, I’m instead suggesting they catch up with the times. Fighter jets are so yesterday, so “Top Gun.” Drones are where it’s at these days, and it’s not war or the military that children need to fear, it’s an unseen, unmanned drone up in the sky at Santa’s side spying on them to determine if they’ve been naughty or nice.
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