If Coldplay's not touring in 2013, maybe Pitbull will come around.

• I wish the band Coldplay wasn't taking a break from touring in 2013. For months, some friends have been suggesting that we round up the kids and all go to some amazing concert, but I've been hesitant, mostly because I didn't know who I wanted to see. Then I stumbled across an hour-long special on TV the other day that was essentially a highlight reel of Coldplay's 2012 tour. Clips from their concert in Paris were particularly stellar, and it was then that I decided Coldplay was going to be the band we were going to see live, somewhere.

    So, of course, I Googled "Coldplay 2013 tour" and learned that the band, after spending  much of 2012 on the road, is taking most and maybe all of 2013 off, so lead singer Chris Martin and his actress wife Gwyneth Paltrow can concentrate on moving full-time to Los Angeles from New York.

    That's the reason that I and those close to me won't see an epic live show in 2013? So Chris and Gwinny and their children named after various types of fruit can settle into their new L.A. home?

    I guess I'll have to see how Pitbull's tour schedule looks. Will "Mr. Worldwide" be coming to a venue within 300 miles or so? Lolli!

    • I hope over the years my family hasn't offended anyone when we've sent various sympathy cards in the wake of someone's passing. In not a single instance did it ever occur to me to send any money along with the card. I just didn't know that was a common, accepted practice.

    But then, when Darlene Charron, my grandmother, died earlier this month, most of the cards my family received in the mail had money in them, from a $5 bill, up to a check for $20. Puzzled, I asked my wife what the deal was with the money, when a $10 bill fell to the kitchen floor as I opened the first card. It was then she informed me that sending money with a sympathy card is definitely not an act of kindness considered out of the ordinary.

    I still thought it was weird, and wondered what we're supposed to do with the money. That's when my brilliant wife came up with the plan to buy a memorial brick in Darlene's name to be placed in the commemorative wall on the Campus Mall at the University of Minnesota, Crookston, where Darlene worked for 21 years.

    • I wish I wasn’t so adept at assembling such a balanced fantasy football roster. I’m not winning my fourth league title this year, nor am I even winning my division, and I blame my team’s shortcomings entirely on the fact that my roster is simply too strong. For most of the season, my roster was home to the top two tight ends in the NFL, a top-five wide receiver, a top 10 wide receiver coming off an injury, and three running backs who were each the unquestioned starter on their teams and, therefore, received the vast majority of the carries.               So how does one decide whom to start each week and whom to sit? Well, that’s the classic dilemma, and for too many weeks I left tons of valuable points on my bench in the form of players who often outperformed the players I’d chosen to start. How valuable were those points? Our league website has a chart with categories labled “Could Have Won” and “Could Have Lost.” For my team, it lists seven separate weeks that I “Could Have Won” had I chosen to start a single player that I instead kept on my bench. Considering my overall record at this point is 7-9, that conceivably means I could be 14-2 instead. So what does it all mean? Well, it all means that I rule.

    • I hope the “module” that I have been told is faulty in the heating element underneath the driver’s side leather seat in our Chevy Avalanche isn’t too much of a major fix, i.e. I hope it doesn’t cost a fortune. The passenger’s seat heater works fine alone, but as soon as the driver’s side one is turned on, both shut off almost immediately. If the driver’s side one is turned on by itself, it, too, shuts off within 10 seconds.

    Hey, I get it. I need a little perspective here. The world is full of war. People are cold. They’re starving. And not just in some Third World country, but right here in Crookston, too. People are sick. They’re dying from illness. People are depressed. People can’t pay their bills.

    But this is northern Minnesota. If you’re going to have a vehicle with leather seats and you’re not a button-push away from making them nice and toasty…it makes for one hard-as-granite seat and one really cold butt.

    Here’s wishing all of you a warm butt in 2013, and beyond, if need be.