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Crookston Times - Crookston, MN
  • On Facebook religion, KG, Papa John's and www

  • This bottle just floated in from Random Island.


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  • A bottle just washed up on the bank of the Red Lake River and inside was observed a rolled-up piece of paper. The bottle was subsequently broken, the glass fragments were properly disposed of, and the sheet of paper was unfurled. On it was what you are about to read, the latest installment from the Island of All Thoughts Random…
        • I've always said, I don't mind your religion, just don't try to make it my religion without me asking you to do so first.
        I write this today after another Easter has come and gone. In Facebook Land, the celebration of Jesus' death and subsequent resurrection spurred all kinds of people to offer up religious-themed status updates and share various religious photos and sayings, etc. For example, one guy replaced his profile photo with one of Jesus wearing the thorny crown. "Who's in the mood for a miracle?" he wrote as his status.
        Uplifting enough, one could surmise, and not really in-your-face enough to upset anyone. But then someone else posted all these pro-God things that her Facebook friends should do, mostly to make none other than the Devil himself mad. Do all of the things she suggested, her friends were told, and we'd be members of "God's Army." Must be that whole, “Onward Christian soldiers...” vibe.
        But still, it’s not enough for me to react to here. But then another Facebooker posted a saying that strongly advised people to stop scrolling, "like" her post if they believe in God, and "share" her post with all their Facebook friends if they love God and know he's their personal savior. If they don't believe in God and don’t love him, "keep scrolling" she advised.
        The implication is that God is keeping track of who kept scrolling and who stopped to take a moment to not only "like" the status, but "share" it. Umm...God? In case you were momentarily distracted by the continued savagery in Syria or any one of the latest random shootings in the United States and therefore didn’t notice, I kept scrolling, but only because I was in a rush to buy a virtual chicken for some guy's fake, digital farm community.
        • What’s the deal with Kevin Garnett? When he was a budding NBA star with the Timberwolves but barely out of high school, we affectionately called him “Da Kid.” But, somehow, despite the millions and millions of dollars paid to him by T-Wolves owner Glen Taylor in return for his exemplary basketball talents – including what was at the time the biggest contract in NBA history - Garnett was able to act and behave in a fashion befitting someone with a more mature nickname than “Da Kid.” He just seemed, in public at least, as a class act.
    Page 2 of 3 -     He made the Wolves better and they were an annual playoff team, even if they usually lost in the first round. In 2004, the Wolves’ best team made it to the Western Conference Finals. Then, things turned south and Taylor and the Wolves traded Garnett to the Boston Celtics, where Garnett won an NBA Championship.
        Now, in the twilight of his career, Garnett has turned surly when it comes to his thoughts on his time in Minnesota. He’ll always love the Wolves fans who worshipped him, he says, but, to quote what he said a couple weeks ago prior to the Celtics coming to town to trounce the shorthanded Wolves, he has “nothing good to say” about the Timberwolves organization.
        We don't have much good to say about you any longer, either, KG.
        • Maybe I just don’t like the word “papa.” Yep, forget any notion of uncertainty in the previous sentence; I don’t like the word “papa.” I don't like a lot of words with multiple occurrences of the letter "p" in them. I also don't like any synonyms to the word "wet." Well, maybe not all of them, but at least one in particular, which I don't plan on typing here.
        But back to "papa." Papa John’s pizza might be the best pizza on the planet, but I don’t like the word “Papa” so, therefore, I don’t like the Papa John’s TV commercials.
        Why doesn’t the Papa John's guy want to be known simply by his real name? Is it John? Is it something else? Why would he want to be known as Papa John? He’s too young to be Papa anything. And those red shirts he wears, always so perfect and brand-new looking, and he never tucks them in, as if we’re supposed to look at Papa John as if he’s some kind of cool, hip dude. He’s always kind of posing, too; he never just stands or sits with his hands at his sides. He’s always got his arms situated to look…I don’t know…more cool? Add it all up and it simply bothers me immensely. Maybe I’m just jealous of his thick, dark hair.
        • It’s not like there was a huge announcement or worldwide marketing campaign, so it’s not shocking that so many people apparently missed what is, when you think about it, sort of an earthshaking development: While we still know of something called the “World Wide Web,” we no longer need to type “www” when accessing a web site on the Internet.
        So, on your news releases and in your emails, nix the use of the trio of W's, OK? You don't need to type in www.google.com in your web browser any longer. Google.com will suffice.
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